Leading as a Father

Three boys. By the end of the summer they will be ages 20, 18, and 15. That is overwhelming. I’m not sure if you are a father or the spouse of one. Maybe you have lived through this stage and are now the parent of adult children which has its own challenges . . . so I hear.

I remember holding my oldest who had oxygen tubes up his nose, born a month early, and was 5 pounds 4 ounces fitting between my elbow and fingertips. It was an overwhelming moment to think this human was going to look to me for guidance on what it means to be a man.

That infant is now slightly taller than me and can grow a better beard than me!

Since I am writing this right after Father’s Day, I wanted to share a few thoughts on how I see my role as a father. I am on this journey and don’t have it all figured out, but I do know that I need to pay attention to the following three areas to continue to lead well at home.

Navigator

A couple years ago my youngest son and I got up early to hike to a natural bridge in Arizona. As we walked on the trail we would come to intersections and decide where to go. My job was to read the signs, know the final destination, and keep us going in the right direction.

As a father our children have many situations they need to navigate. Many of them we have experienced, but some may be new (i.e. social media as a teenager). As a dad I am learning how to walk alongside my sons and help them navigate life’s challenges without just telling them what to do. It feels easier to tell, but I’m more effective by their side listening, teaching, and guiding.

Thermostat

Early in our marriage my wife and I would fight over the thermostat. Have you had that fight? Now we never would fight over a thermometer. Why?

The thermometer tells you the temperature, but the thermostat can help raise or lower the temperature. I realize in my home I can be a thermostat. That is a heavy weight. My attitude and presence can either bring fun and positive energy or it can do the exact opposite.

When my wife and I battled over the thermostat we each would choose to raise or lower the temperature. As fathers we have a choice. Our attitude and mindset is a choice. I can choose to take out a bad day on my family or not. I can choose to snap at my children or remain calm. The list goes on the choices I must make as a father to be a thermostat. The bottom line is I choose to set a temperature in my home that is peaceful and not chaotic, and this takes effort.

Example

As I said in the beginning holding my son was overwhelming at the thought that he would be looking at me for an example on how to be a man. I know I am perfectly imperfect and at peace with that, but the words of Spiderman’s uncle come to mind on this point:

“With great power comes great responsibility.”

I have a responsibility as a father to continue to be growing and aware of myself. I find the clearer I am on who I am the better example I can be. My sons don’t have to be clones of me (one of me is plenty!). The example they will catch is how I love my wife, how I treat others, my character, and the kind of man I am. What do we need to do as fathers? Be humble and teachable so we can allow others to point out our blind spots that may negatively impact our children and grow and keep growing as the example.

Being a dad is a rewarding and difficult journey. We need other men in our lives to journey with. If we lead well at work but fail at home I would suggest we have missed the goal. Need someone to journey alongside you as you seek to lead well at work and home? Not sure how to have conversations about important issues with your son? Go here and check out a resource I created to help you have important conversations with your son as you navigate life with him. Want to talk one on one? Contact me for a no cost thirty-minute thinking partner call. Lead Well!

Wheeler Coaching