Have you ever been in a meeting where the tension in the room escalates, and it feels like you could cut it with a knife? We’ve all experienced moments when one person passionately shares their thoughts, and suddenly, the atmosphere thickens with unease. In one such meeting, I found myself in charge, faced with a critical turning point. I could either shut down the conflict by silencing the person or take a deep breath, center myself, and choose to listen. This experience highlights the importance of healthy conflict within teams.

Conflict is Helpful

In his excellent book The Advantage by Patrick Lencioni he shares a story about Intel.  In the past during meetings the leaders would have strong discussions with differing opinions.  They would openly disagree, but by the end, they agreed as a group to commit to a decision. This philosophy, known as “disagree and commit,” emphasizes the importance of differing perspectives while still moving forward as a cohesive unit.

Conflict, when managed well, is not inherently negative. In fact, it can be beneficial for teams. However, if left unresolved, conflict can lead destroy trust among team members, increase stress, and cause miscommunication. You may have noticed this on a team you led or participated in. When stress rises, our ability to think clearly diminishes, which can hinder decision-making processes.

So, how can we create an environment that welcomes healthy conflict? First, it’s crucial to understand that if your leadership team consists solely of individuals who always agree with you, you risk creating an echo chamber. Diverse opinions are necessary to challenge your thinking and foster innovative solutions. This diversity enables you to see problems from various angles, leading to more effective problem-solving.

A Model for Conflict

Sometimes it helps to have a framework to help navigate conflict constructively.  Below is a model which has been adapted in part from the book Crucial Conversations, a great resource to dive deeper into this topic:

1. State the Facts: Begin by presenting the facts of the situation. What is it that we’re dealing with? Clear facts set a solid foundation for productive discussion.

2. Share Your Story: Each of us has narratives that drive our beliefs. For example, if work isn’t completed on time, you might assume someone is lazy. However, it’s essential to separate facts from assumptions. Instead of jumping to conclusions, consider what other explanations might exist. Take time to candidly share your side in a non-judgmental way with the person you need to have the conversation with.

3. Discuss What’s True: Open the floor for dialogue. Approach the other person with curiosity. For instance, you might say, “I’ve noticed that deadlines aren’t being met. Can you share what is causing that?” This step encourages understanding and invites the other person to explain their perspective without fear of judgment.

4. Reach a Consensus: Finally, determine the next steps together. This could be a clear action plan decided by the team or guidance provided by you as the leader. As a leader, prioritize listening and asking thoughtful questions to clarify the issue at hand.

As you look at this model, which step do you need to work on this week?  Need help implementing a process for having difficult conversations with your team?  Contact me to discover if an interactive workshop on this topic would be a good fit for your team.  Embrace conflict this week and have it in a healthy way that cares for people and is safe to speak candidly.  Lead well!

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